Despite what you may read in glossy women's magazines, few companies today are completely supportive of the needs of working parents. And even those firms that claim to be "family-friendly" often don't monitor their managers' behavior. The good news is you have the power to transform a difficult situation into a more manageable one.
The trickle-down theory
When Laura, a young mother with a two-year-old son, joined a company that had been named one of the "100 Best Companies for Working Mothers" by a national magazine, she felt secure that she had chosen an employer that would be supportive of her family responsibilities.
To her dismay, she soon found herself working late every night, thanks to a demanding manager. When Laura asked to take work home and finish it after she'd put her son to bed, her boss refused, saying the assignments had to be completed at the office.
Since the executive team at Laura's company didn't bother to reinforce family-friendly policies by ensuring that they "trickled down" to each manager in every department, the managers felt no need to abide by them.
Nightmare bosses
While there are some wonderful bosses who allow employees to attend a child's school play or afternoon soccer game, they're far outnumbered by those who don't - or won't - acknowledge the demands of parenthood.
The average working mother can rattle off the types. They include the "Traditional Male with Stay-at-Home Wife," whose non-working spouse takes care of every parenting detail; the "Career Woman with No Children," who possibly resents the fact that you have them, and questions your dedication to your job; and the "Formerly Nice Boss," who loved you when you were childless and could burn the midnight oil, but now hates the fact that you must leave at 5:30 p.m. to pick up your kid.
Sometimes it's not that these bosses intend to be uncaring - rather, that they simply can't relate to your situation. It's your job to make them understand.
Solutions
For example, if you've had to stay late to finish a last-minute project, be certain your boss knows the real price you paid, says Anne Pasley-Stuart, CEO of Pasley-Stuart HR Consultants in Boise, Idaho. Let her know that it resulted in an unhappy caregiver and a disappointed child, and try to get reassurance that it will not be a regular occurrence.
Last minute deadlines are inevitable with any job, says national career expert and author Andrea Kay, author of Interview Strategies That Will Get You the Job You Want. But if your boss is throwing such projects at you on a nightly basis, it's time to take action.
One solution is to "accept that this is the way your boss operates, then change your schedule and make other arrangements to have your child picked up," she says. "Another is to decide that the situation is unacceptable, and that 90 percent of the time you want to be available to pick your child up by 6 p.m."
If you choose the second option, you need to sit down and have a heart-to-heart talk with your boss and come to some new agreements. Be extremely professional in your approach.
"Tell him or her you understand that occasionally, last-minute deadlines are unavoidable, and it's part of the job. However, [state that] your family obligations make it necessary for you to wrap up work by 5:45, and it's not going to be possible for you to stay late every night," Kay says.
If your boss reacts negatively to this statement, suggest other options. For example, "your boss may be a poor planner, so offer to help plan the work so it's not so last-minute."
When your boss approaches you late in the day with yet another unplanned assignment, be prepared with questions, advises Pasley-Stuart. Must the project absolutely be done right now? Can you come in early tomorrow morning, or later that evening? Is it something you can do at home and email or fax back to your boss - enabling you to be able to pick up your child and have dinner with her? Finally, is there a co-worker or colleague able to help you with this deadline?
"Make certain he or she understands the problem, and see if you can work something out together," Pasley-Stuart says.
In the end, it's up to you to improve your situation. The demands of motherhood can make your work life more challenging, but you don't have to be a victim. If you like your job and simply need a little more flexibility from your boss, utilize your negotiation skills. Be firm and direct about what you need, and most of all, stay positive.
